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Picture it: Christmas!  2010!  From the bowels of the Taskerlands Radiophonic Workshop comes a rarity: a radio special that's so special, it can bring the world together.  It unites warring nations via the gift of laughter.  It ends hunger, cures various cancers and colonises Mars.  Global warming immediately depletes, polar ice caps re-freeze and the hole in the ozone layer - if that still exists, even - closes up.  For 80 glorious minutes of mirth, the world unites and listens to what is arguably the greatest christmas special that sounds like an old radio broadcast from the 40s that has ever been produced by two blokes called Paul and Spike.  In West Virginia.  In the fall of 2010.

As you can imagine, competition was stiff for that particular award.  Ahem.

OK, so this isn't just a lazy repeat of last year's critically lauded special.  I mean, that would be too easy.  No, this is a newly edited version; running at a svelte 60 minutes (or one metric hour), the special now zips along at a steady pace, with all the unnecessary padding stripped out.  All this means that even though there might be less world uniting, hunger-ending, environment preserving, ozone layer-repairing going on, it *does* give you more time to get the rest of your shopping done.

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It's the most wonderful time of the year!  What makes it wonderful?  Taking time off work, of course!  But don't worry, there's still a festive smell in the air with this, the special director's cut of the 2008 Christmas Special.  Why is it the director's cut?  Well, there is approximately five whole podcast-exclusive minutes of new material crowbarred in instead of including the costly music that used to be there, it's in living stereo, and also because.... 

um.....

uuhhhhhhh.....

LOOK, IT JUST *IS*, ALRIGHT?  WHY DON'T YOU GET THE HELL OFF MY BACK ABOUT IT?  RIGHT, THAT'S IT - I'M GOING TO MOTHER'S.

***SLAM!!!!***

Um, anywayses.  Next week, you can enjoy the specially edited director's cut of last year's Christmas special, "Paul&Spike: The Gay Batchelors"; now edited down to a managable hour, with almost all of the painfully unfunny filler garbage cut out.

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WARNING!  This episode is for film bores only, as Old Spike takes his place in the rotating Paul Chair.  On the agenda is OS's Week In Stuff, some chat about the classics, the time he and his mother's trip across Glasgow was interrupted by the real Laurel and Hardy, and we'll find out who WC Fields referred to as "a goddamn ballerina".

Owing to some construction at Taskerlands, the recording home of Too Grumpy Critics, next week will be a special presentation of a previous years' Christmas special, so there's plenty of time to get your answers in for Old Spike's question: what film quotes have you incorporated into your daily life? Do you know someone who doesn't like the special sauce, Rick?  Have you ever made someone an offer they couldn't refuse, or told them to try the veal?  Let us know at the usual address, which IS...?

theusualaddress at gmail.com

@spikester on Twitter

and, for Google Plus fans, it's plus.paulandspike.com

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At last! An expert! Radio programming King Midas John Collins plonks himself down in the rotating Paul Chair to talk radio. Spike faces off against his broadcasting mentor; John is endlessly enthusiastic about the future of radio as a medium; Spike.... not so much. Can someone who still believes in the magic convince him otherwise?

Also on the agenda: a dissection of Scottish politics,why certain formats work in some countries but not others, and what "ben the press" means.  Apologies for the dip in quality in the first half hour - blame Spike's wilderness internet.

Keep in touch!

email: theusualaddress [at] gmail.com
twitter: @spikester
G+: plus.paulandspike.com

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I'm recording the show early this week - tomorrow, in fact - with radio genius John Collins. Two questions:

1] Matt Owen's question from last week was on the subject of sit-coms. What sit-com - past or present - would you like to see being given the big screen treatment? 

2] Traditional radio; do you still listen to it? Is it still valuable to your life?

Looking forward to hearing your thoughts - and do feel free to share the post with your smart friends! ;D

Log in with your existing Facebook or Twitter accounts at paulandspike.com and comment, or email: theusualaddress {at} gmail.com, @spikester, or plus.paulandspike.com

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This week's guest is Matt Owen, writer for "The Joan Rivers Position", satirical magazine Private Eye, that Channel Four sweatshop known as "The 11 O'Clock Show" (which featured both Sacha Baron-Cohen, Ricky Gervaise at the start of their careers, and a fresh-faced Charlie Brooker), plus innumerable birthday cards - some of which had tenners in.

Another great show for aficionados of British comedy and for anyone who has ever thought about writing comedy.  Do Americans process comedy in a different way than Brits?  What makes some British shows work across the pond, but others fall flat?  Why do American sit-coms have better character development than their British counterparts?  These and other comedy conundrums addressed head-on, in addition to an update on who started the second world war, whether Stephen Fry needs any more money, and what makes acceptable subjects for comedy.

The question for next week's show: The 70s had several instances of sit-coms being made into films, what modern (or past) sit-coms would you like to see get the theatrical treatment?

Follow Matt on The Electronical Twitter Machine: @mjowen

Keep in touch via The Usual Address, which IS....?  theusualaddress [at] gmail.com
via Twitter: @spikester
via Google+: plus.paulandspike.com 

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This week's question, set by Louis Barfe, was whether you had made a pilgrimage to any TV or movie locations. I shared my story about dragging my sister and brother in law to the Monroeville Mall near Pittsburgh; location for George A Romero's Dawn Of The Dead. And yes, Dawn fans, we took flowers to the fountain.

Send your correspondence to the usual address, which IS...?

THEUSUALADDRESS AT GMAIL.COM

Twidduh: @spikester

Google Plus: plus.google.com

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If you're a fan of classic British comedy, this week's show with author Louis Barfe will either play out like a conversation with kindred spirits, or serve as the basis for a lifetime of research into the essentials.

Find out how much of Louis' new book was written with his trousers at his ankles, what made the last ten thousand words of "Where Have All The Good Times Gone" fly by, and who really won the Sex Pistols/Bill Grundy debate.

Pre-order "The Trials And Triumphs Of Les Dawson" on t'Amazon now.  It's available in early February of oh-twelve.

BRITISHERS! Order Louis' books on the Amazon dot coe dot you kay machine by clicking here.

AMERICANSES! Order Louis' books on Amazon dot com by clicking here. Get 'em whilst they're cheap... before he does!

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Keepez-vous in touch avec the show:

The Usual Address - @spikester - Google+

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Sitting atop the rotating Paul Chair this week is writer and biographer Louis Barfe, responsible for such books as "Turned Out Nice Again: The Story Of British Light Entertainment", "Where Have All The Good Times Gone?: The Rise And Fall Of The Record Industry", and the upcoming biography of comedian Les Dawson, released next year.  I think title probably needs a colon, so it doesn't feel left out.  And remember; when you use the code "paulandspike" at checkout, Amazon will sell you any of those books at the regular price!

In addition to them books and stuff, Louis has also done wrotings for the Radio Times (it's out to-daaayyyy digga digga digga digga digga), Private Eye, The Independent, Wives' Readers, The New Statesman, Honkgobbler's Monthly, Publishing News, The Spectator, Absent-Minded Magazine, Literary Review, and Absent-Minded Magazine.  (be careful with that joke... it's an antique.)

We'll be having a bijou natterette about the books, about Dawson, about writing, and about whether the glory days of entertainment have swirled away down the crapper, like so many tab ends.  Also on the agenda, Louis will be sharing his Week In Stuff, giving his thoughts on last week's question, and setting his own for next week.

If you've got any questions or comments for him, get in touch via all the usual outlets:

use your existing Facebook and/or Twitter accounts to log in at paulandspike.com and leave a comment.

email: theusualaddress at gmail.com

twitter: @spikester

Google+: plus.paulandspike.com

which you can also use to answer last week's question from ghosthunter extraordinaire Andrew Wooding: which kids' tv show from your youth would you like to see remade for a modern audience.

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And here it is:

Click.... and GOOOOOO!

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He's a Sony award-winning broadcaster and a National Training Award-winning fountain of knowledge!  He's the busiest man in Scottish radio!  He was my boss for roughly fifteen minutes and a mentor for almost two decades!  He's on the board at the Scottish Radio Academy! He was our international correspondent on old fashioned radio and was called "as smart as a whip" by our genius-level listeners!  He's a radio ratings King Midus, and now he's passing his knowledge and enthusiasm on to radio's next generation at Reid Kerr College in Paisley!

Host of both The Drum's Scottish Media Podcast, and the Radio Academy Scotland's podcast; He's John Collins and he's the first 'Paul Chair' guest co-host on Two Grumpy Critics.  Got any questions for him?  In addition to being an oracle of Scottish radio, he's an appreciator of American radio, and knows his onions when it comes to the format's past, present and future.

Get your correspondence in by Monday morning, though.  We're taping early this week!  Send your questions/comments to the usual address, or log in at paulandspike.com using your existing Facebook or Twitter accounts and comment.

You can interact directly with him (and consider this an early #FF) on The Twitter, by following @johnco

He's also on The Facebook.

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...is crying.  What movie makes you into a Mister/Little Miss Rainyface?  What movie(s) never fail to turn the tap of your personal waterworks?  Let us know at all the usual places....

Via Twitter: @paulandspike

Via email: theusualaddress [at the] gmail.com

Or by logging in at paulandspike.com with your existing Twitter or Facebook accounts and going grazygonuts in the comments section.

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And so, as we begin the beginning of season five of Too Grumpy Critics, we do so with just one very small and minor change; 50% of the cast is missing.  o_O  Paul has decided to extend his vacation from the show, so - hopefully - he'll be back at some point.  So in order to make up the smart quotient of the show, here's how it's going to work for the next few weeks: I'll be rotating guest co-hosts of interest who will discuss their week in stuff, answer and comb through the correspondence from the previous weeks' question, and to set their own question for the next week's guest.

This week, being the pre-premiere, we refresh our memories with an edited recap of the last show, and also hear a clip from 2009's appearance from Mike Kazybrid and Andrew Wooding, otherwise known as Two Men and a Ghost, who will be joining us in two weeks' time.  Next week, though, Scottish radio legend and member of the Sony radio academy John Collins will drop in to tell us exactly why he thinks live and local radio *isn't* doomned.  Good luck, John!

Onwards ad upwards, troops!

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Quick note: it sounds like, in some places, Paul has delayed reaction times. This isn't down to drink, it's down to a weird bandwidth issue that meant there was a gap of roughly three seconds between one saying something and the other hearing it. Because the show is recorded on Spike's side, Paul is the one that sounds slow.

0:00:00 - Master Paul Higginbotham and Sir Spike Nesmith The Third discuss their hot weather no-booze drinks.

0:02:24 - Light Week In Stuff for Paul including the first episode of the elusive but comprehensive series "Hollywood", a series that takes roughly as much time to watch as it takes to see three Kurosawa movies; nine years. Also, a third week of cartoon violence and - this time - some freshly restored racism with the "Tom and Jerry" DVD set. C'mon chile!

0:08:27 - Spike's moving house, so there's little time to watch any Stuff. He finally got his grubby mitts on an entirely legal copy of the US "Life On Mars". Be warned, there's a spoiler alert for the UK spin-off "Ashes To Ashes". Not that it matters, given how good it wasn't. Imagine, though. History on The History Channel, in the shape of "American Pickers"!

0:24:50 - Next week's topic is revealed - what movies or scenes in movies always bring a lump to your throat. In other words, what are the great weepies, or the so-called weepies that leave you cold?

0:32:08 - This week's question: what was the last big summer blockbuster that you were *really* excited about?

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As Mr T would say, "please keep in touch with the show and let us know your thoughts, not only on whatever subject we happen to be covering at the time, but also on past topics, if you happen to be listenng to a previous show. Fool."

EMAIL! theusualaddress [at] gmail dot com

TWITTER! @paulandspike - @jockopablo - @spikester

FACEBOOK! http://www.facebook.com/home.php?sk=group_158315027538791&ap=1

WEBSITE! paulandspike.com

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0:00:00 - What a great way to start a globally listened-to show about media; talking about the weather.  Good job there's liquified class-A drugs to embibe in the meantime.

0:06:24 - Och, ye ken Paul's had a McWeek In Stuff the noo, taking in Bill Forsythe's "Gregory's Girl".  It's a well-known fact!!  Plus there's more torturous violence with Tom And Jerry

0:13:53 - Oy veh!  There's some light anti-semitism in Spike's Week In Stuff, already, via a four-disc DVD set of ye olde comedy shows which includes an off-colour joke about News At Ten.  Also, is Shawn Of The Dead to blame for zombie fatigue?  It's possible, but that doesn't take away from the fact that The Walking Dead is surprsingly good TV.

0:33:08 - This week's question - what three movies (each) are playing in Heaven and Hell's multiplex movie theatres?

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As Mr T would say, "please keep in touch with the show and let us know your thoughts, not only on whatever subject we happen to be covering at the time, but also on past topics, if you happen to be listening to a previous show.  Fool."

EMAIL! theusualaddress [at] gmail dot com

TWITTER!  @paulandspike - @jockopablo - @spikester

FACEBOOK!  http://www.facebook.com/home.php?sk=group_158315027538791&ap=1

WEBSITE!  paulandspike.com

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This week's question will require some noodling. Assuming for a moment that heaven and hell are real places and are tailored specifically to your personal likes and hates, what movies would be playing at their multiplexes? Let's pick three of each; the three movies you'd most love to watch on the big screen from a plush, comfy couch in heaven, and the three movies that would be playing on a perpetual loop in hell's cinema, which probably looks like this...

 

 

....and has crying babies, no air conditioning and a teen Facebooking in front of you, so the light from their undeserved smartphone serves as a continual distraction.

Let us know by this Thursday evening (the 2nd) by 6pm US/e or 11pm UK.

 

 

 

 

 

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A cracking show this week, with plenty of correspondence from the commenariat over the subject o'the week, and Paul's left field pun.  You won't see it coming...

0:00:00 - Ever wanted to know the history behind the emphasis on the letter 'N' in 'WNBC'?  No, neither have I, but Spike is sure going to tell us.  And he'll do it louder than our objections.

0:04:44 - Paul's Week In Stuff is roughly 900% busier than his last WIS, taking in Lady Gaga's new album (really!), which leads on to a surprising discussion in which Mother Monster gets some surprising props from the middle-aged grumpsters.  He's bringin' back the childhood with a Tom and Jerry DVD set, making the bed shake with Mark Twain (steady!) and "yeeesssss"-ing over Black Swan.  ....still.  Whhhoooaaarrrrrr, eh?

0:31:09 - Spike's speedy Week In Stuff pimps the new(ish) Dark Skies DVD set.

0:35:17 - This week's question centers around documentaries, and what makes a good'n.

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The Usual Address

Twitter: @paulandspike @jockopablo @spikester

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